I am Lenee

As the teacher would begin calling roll on the first day of class it never failed that I would experience the all to familiar feeling of wanting to vomit. The first day of school was always at the top of the list of things I hated when I was a kid. It wasn’t the getting to know new people, or the curriculum that freaked me out, it was simply every year the teacher would slaughter my name. I had to make the choice between correcting the teacher, or letting it slide and respond to, “Lynnie”, “Leanna”, or maybe, “Lynna”. It never failed, I always looked like an idiot and corrected the teacher.

I would come home after the first day of school in tears. I would cry, whine and complain to my mother, “Mom, please let me change my name to something like, Laura, Sarah, Samantha, maybe even Jessica.” And she always responded with the same story, “Lenee, have I ever told you about why I named you Lenee?”

“No, Mother, you have not.” I would respond with sarcasm. Of course she had told me the same story since the first day of Kindergarten.

“Lenee, the day you were born, I looked at you and said, ‘Sarah? Jessica? Laura? Samantha?‘ You didn’t respond to any of those names. So I looked at you as I thought about the name Renee. You were certainly too beautiful a baby to be simply Renee. So I said, ‘Lenee’. You turned your head and looked at me. And quite honestly, you smiled! You in fact chose your own name.” She would then smile at me, most likely hoping I would drop the subject and say something polite like, “Why thank you for reminding me, Mother dearest. You are so kind to have allowed me as an infant to choose my own name.”

Instead, being tenacious, I would continue complaining about how everyone else at school had normal names like, Laura, Samantha, Sarah, and Jessica. I would throw my head on the table in frustration and say, “Mom, all my friends have normal names but me.” She would always respond, “Lenee, I know you don’t like your name now. But you will grow to love your name when you are older. You will grow into your name.”

I think that’s exactly what it was. Lenee just felt like such a big name. It felt so serious, but so free spirited at the same time. It is a name that at times is still unfamiliar when it’s spoken. But recently I have grown to love my name, even embrace it! I think I might possibly be growing into it. I am finally becoming familiar with my name.

My name is Lenee Michelle Cook Barry. Lenee basically means New Life. Michelle means Image of God. Cook is my maiden name. Cooks are witty, tenacious, peculiar and polite people. My six children have the last name Barry. So I decided to keep my married name when I divorced in January. I like my little Barries. They are little pieces of fruit that are delectable and light and very colorful!

It is no surprise that my name means New Life. Yes, I have six children. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease when I was about sixteen. I was told by the doctor that more than likely I would never be able to conceive my own children naturally. They were extremely wrong! Six kids is amazing. I was destined for life, new life. It’s a bit of a mystery to me. I had no desire to have children before I got married. I was college bound and had dreams of a career! I am a “Woman’s Liber” at heart. The thought of being a stay at home mom, or domestic engineer turned my stomach sour and my face twisted with pure disgust when I was 18. So regardless of the news that childbearing would be a challenge, I never would have in my wildest dreams fantasized about having six kids. And now, my six kids, my serendipitous New Life is picturesque and amazing. It far exceeds my wildest dreams!

Beyond the kids, there are other desires and things in my life that revolve around the theme of New Life. I am a born again Christian. I was raised in a Christian home. I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was four. I grew up studying the Bible. I was immersed in Christian culture. But it wasn’t until I was eighteen years old, sitting with my friend, Amy Courts, on her front lawn, sifting through the Bible that I embraced my faith and realized I belong to God. Amy shouted out Zephaniah 3:17, “The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” For the first time in my life I felt my heart jump when reading scripture. For the first time I felt as though my heart was alive. From that moment forward everything in my life changed dramatically. I went from being a “sure I’m a Christian” kid, to “I love Jesus” young woman.

A few months later I met the man I would marry, with whom I would have six children. I met Tim Barry at church through a mutual friend. He had been recently saved. He was raised quite the opposite of me. His family was rough. I don’t mean "go to church on Easter and Christmas" rough. I mean "his dad was in prison" rough. My parents didn’t approve of us dating let alone getting married. We honestly had very little in common, but his testimony was intriguing. The same friend I sat with out on her lawn earlier that year wrote in my yearbook that I would someday be a missionary or pastor’s wife. She wrote this when I was really struggling in my faith, and spiritually a mess. I held on to her words in the back of my mind. Tim was on the fast track to being a minister simply because of his testimony. I’ve learned it isn’t about a testimony, or a one time experience when we give our lives over to the Lord because we hate ourselves and we want fire insurance. But rather it’s a lifelong journey with Him, dying, and being raised daily to New Life in Him. That’s for free! It cost me ten years of pain and grief to come to that conclusion! Though Tim went to Bible College for one semester, he never followed through. We had a choice between full time missions in Hungary or the Army. Tim chose the Army. Our marriage fell apart at that time. I wrestled with his unfaithful heart for nearly eight more years, three affairs and only God knows how many one night stands. Though I held on primarily due to obligation and fear, I experienced death through what is supposed to be God’s greatest physical blessing, marriage.

But it was through experiencing emotional death that I have come to see the truth of New Life. As Solomon the Wise wrote, “there is a time for all things, a season for everything under heaven.” There is a time to be born, and a time to die. "Turn, Turn, Turn….." I would not be the person I am today had it not been for the poor choices I made in marrying Tim. The world would lack these six specific champions who will one day embrace their faith and run with their Jesus and breath His Life all over the world. New Life, and my children would not be nearly as fantastic had I not experienced first the news of not being able to bear my own children, and secondly had I not experienced the death of the marriage that produced these six children.

I am Lenee. I am New Life. I am His Life. I am Michelle. I am The Image of Him who has given me New Life. I am a Cook, witty, tenacious, peculiar, and polite. The name Barry has matured me. It has been like an oak vat in which wine ages deepening the flavor. Or quite possibly, Barry is the bacteria that has aged the cheese. I am like fine wine and cheese. The death and life I have experienced as a Barry has brought me to a place of beauty and maturity. I am very privileged to be raising six amazing and very delicious Barries. Though my last name, for now, remains Barry, I am not a Barry.

I am a Lenee! A few years ago I began enjoying my name. But it wasn’t until very recently that I embraced my name. A dear friend of mine said my name in a conversation. For the first time in my life it just sounded right. That night, as the name rolled off his tongue, I felt myself step into Lenee. Lenee is a pretty amazing name. And it sometimes takes time to grow into such grand name!

This Blog is dedicated to my life that is picturesquely serendipitous! Much like my name, my life has been so amazing that I have had to take time to grow into it. I, quite by accident, have discovered how truly picturesque is my name, and my life, especially my new life. Here’s to life, New Life. And here is to Lenee Michelle, The Image of God’s New Life.