Hephzibah, My Delight is in Her

My sweet friends, God does not cause sorrow. Living in a sinful and fallen world causes suffering. Sometimes the response to poor choices is sadness. God gives life, and life abundant. It is mankind's depravity that leads to death. Neither our generation, nor the generations before us have received a world of perfection. Nor will we bestow upon our children a perfect life. However, we have a God who takes great pleasure in fixing broken things, healing wounds, creating beauty from the ash heap, growing gardens where once there lay dead rose bushes, establishing rivers in the desert, turning water into wine, breathing life on dry bones causing them to stand up and put on flesh and return to grieving wives and children, collecting tears in bottles and restoring everything that has been stolen. This is what my God does. He does not repay evil for evil, for He knows the day of wrath is coming. Rather, He speaks a message of Faith, Hope and Love. He desires to be a safe place, a place of rest and refuge for those who are castaway, beaten, forsaken, and forgotten. He did not cause your pain. He is not punishing you for disobedience. Disobedience warrants its own consequence. He does not purpose disaster in our lives to draw us to His breast. But He sees the roads and paths we choose and He has a plan to do what He does best, move us to a safe place of peace and rest.

Three years ago I would have told you that God purposes all things in our life to draw us to a place of relent and surrender. But it is not true. For that would mean that He causes disaster. There is a fine line between that and what I have stated above. It took three years of craftily trying to manipulate the love of God beckoning my own will above His to realize His will for my life is far better than any fantasy I could dream up. His will for my life is His delight.

Her name is Hephzibah. She is beautiful. She is the woman every woman wishes she could be and every man finds to be a mystery. She is you, my friend. It is not her pristine garment, nor her precious gemstones set in pure silver and gold placed upon her head, neck and fingers. It is not her perfect hair, or brilliant complexion, nor is it her figure that never seems to change regardless of how much dark chocolate she indulges. She knows to whom she belongs. She knows her name. And she knows she is His delight. Her name is Hephzibah Beulah, meaning, "My delight is in her, I AM her Husband".

This is not the life you would have chosen. No one walks down the isle on their wedding day planning their divorce. No one sees it coming. Maybe after the fact we look back and say, "I saw it coming. I should have known better." But in reality, on that day, it is usually the furthest thing from our minds. For those of us that did sit in the Bride's room and think, "God, is this really the life you have for me?" It was a fleeting thought that was quickly tucked deep into our hearts becoming a dirty little secret we hoped would never be found out. At any rate, we found the composure to grab our Daddy's arm, or for me, my Daddys' arms and walk down the isle, only to be given away to men that would someday cast away, beat, forsake, and forget us. We kiss the soon to be betrayer, turn to be introduced for the first time as MRS, and run out of the Church with high hopes of beginning our happily ever after.

Days, weeks, months, years, memories and children later you sit in a room alone, with truth and lies. You remember the frustration of sorting truth from lies. Anger storms open the door and kicks the boxes that have been sorted. Eventually you deal with anger. Again you begin sorting truth from lies. Denial waltzes in the door, glides across the floor and whisks you out of your seat. The sorting is forgotten. The dance with denial is as short lived as the romance with the betrayer. The boxes of truth and lies begin to pile up once again. Eventually the truth is sorted from the lies, and depression stealthily cracks open the door, and enters without welcome. And thus begins the fight to leave the bleak room full of boxes of truth and lies.

I am not sure when exactly depression entered that old bleak, white washed, drab room. Depression is a sneaky one. I think it was shortly after learning of Tim's affair in May of 2007 that I felt it's cold grip upon my shoulder. A chill fell across my heart, and life seemed dim and bleak. Depression offers many solutions to liven up one's countenance. There are drugs and alcohol, elicit sex, food, bad relationships, self hatred, and many others. For me, I had no place to run, and no place to hide. I ran to my Jesus. Here's the truth, Ladies. The only reason I ran to my Jesus was because I knew He was the only One that would not hurt me. How did I know this? Because He and I had developed a history of TRUST. I knew that I could trust Him.

Believe me, though I knew I could trust Him, I fought and tried to craftily manipulate His love to produce my own DESIRE and DELIGHT! I had my mind set on restoration with a man that was completely untrustworthy, manipulative and a heart that refused to surrender itself to the Lord's authority. Looking at it now I wonder why I fought so hard to save something that was death to me and my children. Perhaps it was pressure from the Church, well-meaning friends and family. More than likely it was my idea of perfection. I am a child of divorce. I desired to live the rest of my life with my husband and the father of my children simply because that would be perfect! God's idea of perfection is not my idea of perfection. After taking Tim back with little more than a faint "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I discovered I was pregnant with our sixth child. Four months later it was obvious Tim's delight was not in God, me or his children.

God rescued me from that empty room full of lies mingled with truth. In the period of one weekend God ransomed me back from a man that stole my heart and broke it and I found myself 1500 miles away from where the crime was committed, safe in my parents' home. It was evidence to me that God is a God who is faithful, and good. Therefore, He is a God in whom I can and will trust. Through the series of not short of miraculous events the depression lost its grip on my shoulder simply because God is faithful, and I chose to relent to His faithfulness. God also placed faithful friends and family in my life to carry me through the darkest days. He is a God who DELIGHTS in me.

So you say I think it's all about me? No, sweet friend this is all about you. You are no longer forsaken. Your husband left you but that does not mean you are deserted. Your children are not cursed because they have been tossed aside by the man who was meant to protect them. There is One more faithful than the best husband in all the earth, and He delights in you!

I recently read a verse in Jeremiah 8. The Lord declared to the ancient nation of Judah shortly before Jerusalem was destroyed that because the men rejected Him He would take their wives and their lands and give them to other men to enjoy. God said, "Hey, since you don't like what I've already given you, and you've broken the promise you made with me, and the promise you made with your wife, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to let you go do what you want to do. But I'm going to take your wife, the woman you asked me to bring into your life, the woman you decided was not enough, and I'm going to give her, her children, and your property to a man that will take delight in the gifts I intended originally for you."

You say, "But Lenee, where is this man?" Friend, this Man is God. He is Jesus Christ. This is what He promises to you in Isaiah 54,

"4"Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
the LORD of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6 For the LORD has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.

He continues to say this about you and your children.

13 All your children shall be taught by the LORD,
and great shall be the peace of your children.
14In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15 If anyone stirs up strife,
it is not from me;
whoever stirs up strife with you
shall fall because of you.
16Behold, I have created the smith
who blows the fire of coals
and produces a weapon for its purpose.
I have also created the ravager to destroy;
17no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD
and their vindication from me, declares the LORD."


Friend, these are the things that got me through the darkest days of my life. When everything else in my life was crumbling, His promises were the things that kept me alive. To hear Him call me Hephzibah Beulah was all it took to know that I am well loved and taken care of. There is no explanation as to why my six children and I have a nice roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, food in our pantry, and comfort. We have more than we need. We have more than we could ask for. And there are days I cry because we are so incredibly blessed. I cry and I ask God, "God, why do you love me and bless me like you do?" I hear Him whisper to my heart, "Because you receive it and you know you are My Hephzibah Beulah. My delight is in you, you are mine!"

Hephzibah is Hebrew for His delight is in her. Beulah means, "To be a husband over" or "To marry" in Hebrew. What is interesting is the Hebrew word anog means delicate woman. The divorced woman is fragile in the eyes of the Lord. And when she runs to Him and is vulnerable to Him, He sees her as delicate, as anog. This is from the root word anag, meaning delight. It is used in the verses such as Psalms 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Or Psalms 37:11, "But the meek will inherit the earth and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace." Hephzibah Beulah is a delicate woman with her Husband, the Lord. She is meek with her Beloved because she knows He delights in her.

I know many of my friends and family have been concerned about my love affair with Joshua Carpenter. I must confess that I made up an FB profile for Him. For those of my friends who have participated in my fanciful delusion of Jesus Christ having an FB, thank you! For my friends and family that have bore with me through the grieving process and ran with me through the chaos of the past few months of training and climbing Mount Singleton, thank you. For those who will be journeying onward and upward with me through the next season of my life, you are precious and very close to my heart. Thank you. To my future Beulah, you will have to arm wrestle Joshua Carpenter if you delight in me. May He stir up and awaken love. For my single mommies, and sisterhood of divorcees, I love you. May your hearts be lovesick for your Husband, your God and King. And may you and your children live full of joy every day, and sleep in peace every night. May in due season your faithfulness to the Lord be rewarded through the most divinely appointed romance you could never dream up! From this day forward may you make wise decisions regarding your heart just as Hephzibah Beulah. She is delicate and full of grace. She chooses wisely because she knows to whom she belongs. And she is confident in His love, and well aware that she is His delight!